Georgia

I went to my Fathers house many times with the intentions to express myself musically. But many of those times, he was asleep and I didn't want to wake him. So I'd opt out to sit in the living room with my Grandmother, whose memory is slipping quickly. Quite saddening. I never though I'd see the day. 

 I can remember the nights where I'd suddenly wake and rush into her room. I wanted to make sure she was still alive. So I'd stand in her doorway, staring. Making sure she was still breathing. & on nights where she lay still, I'd wake her just to be sure. She's nearly a century old. Can you blame me for worrying? eh. Back then, she had more sense. Annoyed people for no reason but she made sense. Now, I can barely keep up with her sporadic train of thought and repetitive questions, thoughts and statements. She laughs at tragedies on TV like a child being entertained by Elmo. Can barely make it to the bathroom in the middle of the night and is finally in depends (adult diapers). I can enter the house right before her eyes and she won't even notice me. She calls me by other relatives names and actually mistook me to be my Brother. He is 6'3, light skinned, and almost looks like Kobe. She thought I was him?? o_0

But I realize, she's doing better than many people 20 years younger. :-/

I remember the time she told us of a dream she had. She said she saw a light and only heard the voice of my Fathers then girlfriend. She was saying to her, "Georgia, its okay. Come with me. It'll be alright" but my Father's gf didn't like my Grandmother (or me actually) and it was mutual, so why would she hear her voice? Nevertheless, for months I was scared out of my wits. I just knew she'd be leaving us very soon. But its been nearly 7 years since that and she's still kickin'. 

But not too long ago, I had a succession of dreams all about her passing away. It was never violent. Actually, I never knew how she passed away in my dreams but it didn't come across as terrible. She was on the 'other side' and my dog Star, was with her. She (star), brought her to me and I learned that she was okay. I then passed the message onto my Father.

The dreams bothered me a bit but I hate that I feel like I'm preparing for a loss, maybe two. *sigh* Death is something that happens, yet, it is so hard to accept. You never know when it's coming and in a second, your life can be wiped away. Everything will have meant nothing and you're just a 'body' in a casket. No more friends, family, pets, hardships and fun. You can never come back and those who knew you will forever feel an emptiness inside them. smh. wish it wasn't so...